


101 ways Methos annoyed Duncan MacLeod of the Clan Macleod

by Herk



Category: Highlander: The Series
Genre: Complete, Crack, Gen, Humor, M/M, absolute crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2018-06-24
Packaged: 2018-09-25 16:59:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 4,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9831500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herk/pseuds/Herk
Summary: Just what it says on the title.





	1. 1 - 10

**Author's Note:**

> This grew from a chat with my fellow Highlander fan Ansela, we wrote his together.
> 
> Some of the drabbels assume Duncan/Methos but far from all do. The old man can be a pain in the ass without them being more than friends.

"How do you even manage to use more shampoo than me anyway?"

*

 

"Why are all my TV channels switched?"

 

“I reordered them according to importance"

 

"Channel 1 only shows documentaries about the production of reality TV shows!"

*

 

"Why is there hair gel on my favourite silk shirt?"

*

 

“You got a WHAT?"

 

"A dog. A West Highland terrier to be precise"  

 

"I would hardly call THAT a dog."

 

"I call him Duncan."

*

 

"It's not a REAL dog. Couldn't you have taken a breed high enough to reach at least my knees?"

 

"It's a West HIGHLAND terrier. It's hardly MY fault your people came up with those things"

*

  


"You're where? You did what? Bail is HOW MUCH?"

*

 

"Why are half my clothes floating down the Seine?"

 

"The 80s is not a good look on you."  

*

 

"Professor MacLeod? There is a last minute student enrolling in your course on classical art. Someone from abroad named Adam Pierson."

*

 

"No Mr. Pierson, we can't spend YET ANOTHER lecture on classical Greek naked sculptures."

 

"I don't care if you think that this particular statue bears an uncanny resemblance to you."

*

 

"Methos, where are my car keys?"

 

“It's Easter, you have to search for them"

 

"My car keys are NOT eggs. Besides it's July"

  
"If we hadn't had so many calendar reforms, that's exactly when Easter would be."

*


	2. 11 - 20

"Methos!"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Did YOU tell Amanda about Lydia?"

 

"I wasn't aware you kept your mortal lovers secret from her."

 

"She's my teaching assistant!"

 

"If you say so."

*

 

"Methos!"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Did YOU tell Amanda about the jewelry exhibition?"

 

"I might have... why?"  

 

"Well get your lawyer certificates out - the least you can do is bail her out."  

 

"I haven't passed the bar exam in this state."

*

 

"Methos. Stop slurping."

*

 

"Methos, why has all the coffee, tea, and alcohol in the kitchen been replaced with fruit, vegetables, soy milk, and blender?"

 

"Oh, I'm putting us both on this new smoothie diet."

*

 

 

"Methos? Why did Joe say I owe him a sports car?"

 

"I'm sure it's just a figure of speech and he means actual cash."

 

"Why would I owe Joe that amount of money."

 

"Tabs keep adding up often without you noticing."   

 

"I'm NOT paying for your alcoholism."

 

"You could afford it."

 

"So could you."

*

 

"Methos why is my bedroom painted in peach?"

 

"Didn't you listen to the friendly lady in the mall? You are a "spring type". Peach suits you."

*

 

"Methos, why am I getting deposits in my bank account labelled 'cabin rental'?"

*

 

"Methos I don't appreciate waking up with a new hair colour."

 

"I don't appreciate waking up to another ex-lover dead. I guess we all have annoying little habits the other one has to learn to live with."  

 

"I already said that I didn't know, and that it was purely self-defence."

 

"Three times in a row?"

 

"Well... this time it was. Your ex had jealousy issues."

 

"My ex... sure."

 

"Ask Joe if you don't believe me. He caught the whole fight on camera."  

 

"Just pray next time I don't pick pink"  

 

"Just warn me if any of your exes are in town, so I know to send them away with a flea in their ear and their head still attached."

*

 

"OK since my hair is pink I guess Ramona was someone you knew."

 

"Yup."  

 

"Why didn't you warn me?"  

 

"Honestly Duncan that would get rather difficult, I can hardly keep track of all my exes. I mean I founded the Watchers on that principle but even they can't keep up with EVERYONE. So just ASSUME next time it might be wiser not to take the head."  

 

"You know that not taking heads goes against everything Connor ever taught me, right?"  

 

"So does reading. And washing regularly. And not butchering the English language."  

 

"Have you ever tried spending any time in a Scottish burn? They're COLD."

 

"Some people just MOVE you know. Bora Bora is nice and warm I've heard."

 

"Yes, because that was such an easy thing to do back then."

 

"I managed"

 

"You were one man travelling alone."

 

"And you were multiple men? Multiple women?"

 

"Do you think I even knew what Bora Bora was back then?"

 

"I'm surprised you know what Bora-Bora is today, to be honest."

*

 

"I'm sorry about Ramona"  

 

"Don't be. She was crazy"   

 

"Then WHY IS MY HAIR PINK?!"

 

"It's the principle of the thing.”

*


	3. 21 - 30

"Methos? What is Facebook?"

 

“A social media thing on the internet. A place where you can share photos and such with your friends.”

 

“Why does Connor ask me if I‘ve seen ‘the picture’? And why do half of my students giggle or blush when they see me? … And why did I just get a message from Amanda saying she ‘missed that ass’?”

*

 

"Dumbledore dies."

 

"METHOS!"

*

 

"Methos stop introducing me as 'Duncan MacLeod - romance novel cover model'."

*

 

"No you are not allowed to print cards either."

*

 

"Methos, stop replacing all my CDs with bagpipe music."

*

 

"Methos, why am I being contacted about being a background extra during a battle scene in 'Throne Games'?"

 

"Oh, don't worry, you'll be a Bolton soldier. They're the good guys."

*

 

"Methos stop."

 

"Don't you like 'Loch Lomond'?"

 

"Not sung for 7 hours straight - off key."

*

 

"No Methos Babylonian is NOT allowed in scrabble."

 

"Neither is Greek."

 

"Only English"

 

"In a form that was used after my birth"

 

"I'm NOT a sore loser."

*

 

"You are NOT the Lord of the Dance."

*

 

"Methos why is there 70s porn on my couch table?"  

 

"And why does the main actor look like you with a massive moustache?"

*


	4. 31 - 40

"You've been married 68 times." 

  


"The answer is still 'no' MacLeod." 

  


"But Robert and Gina make it work." 

  


"N - O, MacLeod." 

  


"Don't you love me?" 

  


"Nice try, Highlander. But I won't be so easily emotionally blackmailed." 

  


"But why?"  

  


"Do you have any idea what Cassandra would do to me if she found out that after killing her and everything, I now also corrupted her perfect Scot, destroyed her precious prophecy about your love life AND found happiness in the process? I value my testicles far too much to take that risk, thank you very much."

*

  


"Methos - let me sleep." 

  


“It's only 3 AM though." 

  


"My alarm goes off in three hours." 

  


"But I'm BORED when you sleep." 

  


"I need to WORK."

  


"It's hardly my fault you picked an identity with an actual job to pay the bills."

*

  


"Methos?" 

  


"Mmmh?" 

  


"This is the fourth puzzle I finished where exactly one piece is missing... You wouldn't know anything about that would you?"  

  


"Are you accusing me of extremely petty theft?"

*

  


"Methos why are the college papers I should currently be grading covered in smiley stamps?"

  


"Considering the average quality I thought it was a more appropriate way to let them know how well they were doing."  

  


"Some of them are glittery."

  


"Those are the good ones."

*

  


"Don't you have a home you can go to?" 

  


"Sure." (no further reaction) 

  


"Why do you spend all of your time in MY home then?"

  


"My fridge doesn't automatically restock the beer."  

  


"Neither does mine." 

  


"Oh?"

*

  


"Methos!" 

  


"What?" 

  


"What is my new Wi-Fi password?" 

  


"How would I know?" 

  


"Methos..." 

  


"Fine. A little birdie might have told me that it's 'BoringBelowTheKilt1592'." 

  


"METHOS!!!"

*

  


"Methos where is my clasp?" 

  


"You're pretty with your hair open." 

  


"That's not what I asked."

*

  


"My name is NOT Duncan Boyscout MacBore."

  


"Well your driver's license disagrees."

*

  


"Methos, why does my kitchen look as if a tornado exploded in there?" 

  


"I baked some cookies." 

  


"And who's going to clean up that mess?"

  


"It IS your kitchen."

*

  


"Methos, why is it so hot in here? Did you play with the thermostat again?" 

  


"I was freezing MacLeod."

  


"It's like a hundred degrees in here. I'm sweating my ass off. Can I please open the windows?" 

  


"Don't you DARE. If you're hot, get rid of that t-shirt. That way I won't freeze and will have something to look at."

*


	5. 41 - 50

"My nose is NOT too small."

 

"There's a German proverb 'Wie die Nase eines Mannes so sein...'

 

"METHOS! My nose is not too small and neither is anything else."

 

"Sure, Highlander, sure."

*

 

"Methos why is all my furniture re-arranged?"

 

"Feng Shui."

 

"What?!"

 

"I thought you liked Asian culture."

 

"I also liked my interior decoration."

 

"Really MacLeod, all that bad energy flows - no wonder you're so grumpy all the time."

 

“(grumbles) Well, I got a different theory to explain that."

*

 

"Methos! Stop doing silly voiceovers, I'm trying to WATCH that documentary."

 

"Well you can still WATCH it."

 

"I want to hear what they have to say."

 

"My information is more accurate."

 

"I don't care as long as you use an Elmer Fudd voice."

*

 

"Hey Methos have you read the Harry Potter series?"

 

"Did the Greeks do sports naked?"

 

"I found this online quiz - I'm a Gryffindor."

 

"And probably proud of that too."

 

"Let me guess you would prefer Slytherin."

 

(Methos shoots him a very disappointed look)

 

"Ravenclaw?"

 

"MacLeod - Gryffindors are brash and stupid. Slytherins are obviously terribly incompetent at making themselves likable which is one of the best weapons for survival. And Ravenclaws are a bit ivory-tower-y for my tastes. Helga Hufflepuff was the only one to get it right. It only matters that you have the talent to do magic, you need nothing else for me to TEACH YOU using magic. And she refuses any kind of label that will later mark her students as liars, idiots, or lunatics."

*

 

"Oh no, you didn't."

 

"Yes, I did."

 

"Methos, how COULD you?"

 

"Scottish whiskey is basically paint remover. I'm doing you a favour."

 

"By draining all my alcohol down the drain?"

 

"I did replace it with a bottle of Irish whiskey and some good beers from around the world."

 

"I happen to LIKE Scottish whiskey."

 

"Well I'm still working on improving your taste..."

*

 

"Methos? Why are you strutting around in suspenders and high heels in my living room?"

 

"Rehearsing."

 

“I know you're part of the college theatre group but..."

 

"(singing) I'm just a sweet transvestite from transexual transylvania."

 

"You're what?"

 

"Look I need to practise - you can read Janet."

*

 

"Methos? Why is my version of Word auto-correcting "MacLeod" to "Donut"?

 

(Methos snickers)

*

 

"Methos what is this?"

 

"Dinner."

 

"This. Is. Our. Dinner? You promised you would cook."

 

"I also promised international cuisine, since we're in Paris I thought I'd go for an exotic meal from across the great big ocean - also known as Mac'n'Cheese."

*

 

“Methos? Why is there HAIR on my toothbrush?!”

 

“Jeremy needed grooming.”

 

“Jeremy?”

 

“Your new gerbil.”

*

 

“Methos?”

 

“Mmh?”

 

“I DON’T appreciate these fliers you keep dropping at various places around the barge.”

 

“Which ones?”

 

“The once about the proper enunciation training.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, I lied - so far it's only 50 ways...
> 
> But I'm sure more will follow :D


	6. 51 - 60

“MacLeod!”

 

“What?!” The Scotsman almost jumped out of his skin.

 

“Look before you sit yourself down. You almost destroyed a piece of art.”

 

Duncan furrowed his brow, carefully looking at his chair. “What’s that?”

 

“Like I said - art.”

 

“Is that… a... bird?”

 

“It’s a unicorn - folded from paper without the use of scissors or glue.”

 

“You’re into Origami now?”

 

“I’ve studied the art for centuries, I’m just returning to it.”

 

“And you haven’t gotten better than that?” MacLeod couldn’t quite believe his eyes.

 

Methos’ eyes narrowed. “Maybe I just need some more _practice_.”

 

*

 

“Methos!”

 

“What?”

 

“Why is every flat surface in my home covered in paper animals? Including the bed?!”

 

“Like I said - practice.”

*

 

“Methos…”

 

“I call the project “Duncan’s Arch”.”

 

“Arch?”

 

“One pair of every animal - seven pairs of the kosher ones.”

 

“Methos!”

 

“I’m currently on the marsupials.”

*

 

“Methos?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Did you log into my Neopets account?”

 

“What gave you that idea?”

 

“The fact that ALL my pets are now purple, lost their gear and their names make up the lyrics to a very raunchy Gaelic song.”

 

“You should really learn to use different passwords, MacLeod.”

*

 

“Methos!”

 

“Yes, oh high and mighty one?”

 

“That paper is due to hit the editor TODAY!”

 

“So?”

 

“The formatting is all over the place - fonts change in the middle of words and it’s yellow letters on neon green background!”

 

“If you use password protection don’t use the same as your Neopets account - which I messed with only last week I might add. _Some_ people learn from their mistakes.”

*

 

“Methos?”

 

“Ydy fy Anwylyd?”

 

“...”

 

“Beth yw'r drafferth, rhyfelwr annwyl?”

 

“Are you talking… Welsh?”

 

“Wrth gwrs fy ffrind yn wych sylwgar.”

 

“Why in all the heavens are you speaking Welsh?”

 

“Ymarfer - felly mae'n iaith hardd.”

 

“Aaargh!”

*

 

“Methos…”

 

“Mmh?”

 

“Why are all tins in my cupboard missing their labels?”

 

“You should really be more adventurous in your cooking, Duncan.”

*

 

“Methos, I don’t appreciate itching powder in my sock drawer.”

*

 

“I appreciate it even less in my boxers.”

*

 

“Methos?”

 

“What is it now?”

 

“Can we go back to the itching powder, please?”

  
“Honestly I think I prefer the glitter - it appears in all the most unexpected places.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I don't speak Welsh - I used Google translate ;)


	7. 61 - 70

 

“Methos - use a COVER when microwaving milk.”

*

 

“Methos? Why are my books arranged by colour and size?”

 

“I like rainbows.”

*

 

“Methos, at least clean your hair from the drain after using my shower.”

*

 

“Ho ye! Caen ye pass me the beer?”

 

“Methos!”

 

“Whit?”

 

“You’re NOT Scottish!”

 

“Jamie McAvoy is so A need tae practise.”

 

“Your accent is terrible.”

 

“Pfff - A heard yer French.”

*

 

“Amanda. I didn’t know you were coming over. What were you two talking about?”

 

Amanda and Methos look at each other and both burst out into laughter.

*

 

“Wait Joe - who told you _that_?”

 

“Well, the old man was over for a beer the other day and wanted to help me out seeing as I am your Watcher and _should_ know this kind of stuff.”

 

“I thought Methos loved secrecy and privacy.”

 

“ _His_ privacy, Mac - his.”

*

 

“Do you know where Methos is?”

 

“Don’t you?”

 

“Nope - poofed without as much as a note. Now it’s time for me to worry until I get a postcard from Bora Bora in a week or two telling me how he’s getting a tan.”

 

“You worry too much, Mac.”

 

“That’s exactly what the card will say.”

*

 

 

“Why are you grinning like that?”

 

“”Nothing.”

 

“I’ll have you know this is an ancient Tibetan exercise, practised for centuries by their monks.”

 

“It still looks goofy as hell.”

 

*

 

“Methos! Take your shoes of the couch.”

 

*

 

“Methos - I’m the PROFESSOR for this Gaelic class. Please stop correcting my notes.”

 

“They’re wrong though.”

 

“I sucked in Gaelic from my mother’s teats, you bambot.”

 

Methos shrugs. “I on the other hand _learned_ Gaelic.”


	8. 71 - 80

"What kind of hellish contraption is that?"

 

"It's called a 'fidget spinner', MacLeod - very good for people with ADHD to keep the fingers occupied and the mind focussed."

 

*

"Stop clicking the biro, Methos."

 

*

 

"Stop tapping your fin... wait - is that morse code?"

 

*

 

"Can we please switch stations?"

 

"You know the rules, Highlander: the driver's in charge of the music."

 

"Can I drive?"

 

"Nope."

 

*

 

"I saw him play before, Joe. He's terrible at darts."

 

"I repeat, Mac, how did you think it was a good idea to play him for tonight's tab?"

 

"But..."

 

"Really, MacLeod - who do you think taught Amanda how to hustle?"

 

*

 

"Do you have to make an anatomy lesson out of cooking?"

 

"You should embrace every opportunity to learn - see this here was the swim bladder. Are you getting a bit green around the gills? Really, Highlander? A big tough guy like you? Where are you going, MacLeod?"

 

*

 

"Ramirez was one of the best swordsmen who ever lived and an honourable man."

 

"Ramirez was a hustler, a cheat at cards, and a skirt chaser."

 

"I think Connor might have mentioned that."

 

"Connor is so slow on the uptake he never even understood that his teacher mocked his speech pattern by talking in that accent."

 

"That's my kinsman you're talking about."

 

"Obviously."

 

*

 

"What?"

 

"You insisted on watching football - now explain the rules."

 

"How can you be over five millennia and not know the rules to football?"

 

"I know several sets of rules - mostly involving the severed heads of your enemies. Which is why I usually prefer to keep my distance but I'm willing to make amends for your convenience. Now what was this 'offside' thing?"

 

*

 

"Can you please close the door when entering a room?"

 

*

 

"Methos!"

 

"Mmmh?"

 

"Why is my ringtone playing 'I'm too sexy'?"

 

"Because _I_ speed dialed you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Football refers to football (aka soccer) NOT American football ;) And of course Methos knows the 'offside' (albeit he might think it has to do with mustard and Worcester sauce) but he enjoys playing dumb to make MacLeod squirm


	9. 81-90

"You promised, you'd do the grocery run."

 

"I forgot. It's not as if we would starve... well, at least it won't stick. Didn't you want to try out that new Iranian place anyway?"

 

"What's that got to do with anything?"

 

"I'll even let you pick up the tab."

*

 

"Methos?"

 

"Yes?"

 

"Do you have a date tonight?"

 

"I do actually."

 

"With Celine?"

 

"You mean that nice librarian lady you flirted with last week?"

 

"Exactly that one."

 

"Coincidentally - yes."

 

"Coincidentally?! This is the third time in as many months you pick a date with a woman **I** was interested in!"

 

"Well you got two options, Highlander."

 

"What's the one besides taking your head?"

 

"Tsk - I'm trying to teach you a valuable lesson and that's the thanks I get."

 

*growling* "What lesson?"

 

*raises eyebrow*

 

"What two options do I have, oh old and wise one?"

 

*smiles* "Either pick up your pace or broaden your potential dating pool." *mumbles* "Preferably both.*

*

 

"Methos?"

 

*Mmh?"

 

"Why are hand drawn moustaches all over my art prints?"

*

 

"Methos, why do you always have to be late?"

 

"A wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to."

 

"A - you are no wizard but a cynical old bastard who tries to annoy me."

 

"Same - difference."

 

"And B - we still missed our train which means we'll lose two hours at minimum."

 

"Because two hours matter oh so much over the course of the centuries - relax, MacLeod."

*

 

"Why am I paying for a business class upgrade to our flights?"

 

"Because I like to travel in as much luxury as possible."

 

"And why am **I** paying for it?"

 

"Stop being such a penny pincher, MacLeod."

*

 

"Methos? Did you pick up drawing?"

 

"It's been a while. But it's good to renew old skills and learn new ways to apply them every century or so. Why?"

 

"I stumbled upon this webcomic..."

 

"Oh - which one? There are quite a few good ones out there."

 

"It's called 'Life's too short for this' and features a librarian and his best friend - a big, stupid oaf named MacLad with long black hair who carries a katana around everywhere and always gets into stupid trouble. Anything you want to say?"

 

"The funny, good looking, lovable librarian, Mac."

*

 

"Puck too?"

 

"Anansi, Loki... I've had a few names over the years."

*

 

"Open the shackles!"

 

"Nope."

 

"Methos, you open the shackles NOW!"

 

"I put a bullet in your head and dropped your ass here before you came to for a reason. I won't open the chains until you calmed down and are ready to see reason."

 

*takes a deep breath* "I AM calm. Please let me go."

 

*snorts* "Nice try, Highlander. Not before I'm sure your latest chivalric obsession has left the continent. I'm sick of watching you fight and risk your life out of sheer stubborn idiocy."

*

 

"Methos, why do you always put almost empty juice or milk cartons back in the fridge?"

 

"It's an offering to the little people. Not giving them their share is very bad luck."

*

 

"No, Methos, I have no idea what my 'cutie mark' would be and I don't care."

 


	10. 91-100

"Methos, why do I get another invoice for craft beer?"

 

"I like craft beer."

 

"You could pay for them."

 

"Adam Pierson can't though. Ever after losing his scholarship with the Watchers money has been a bit tight."

 

"Maybe Adam Pierson should get a job then."

*

 

"Methos why are you here again?"

 

"I was bored."

 

"I'll have my boss over for dinner tonight."

 

"I don't mind."

*

 

"You know, Methos, you staying for dinner with my boss was bad enough..."

 

"But?"

 

"Did you have to be so utterly, fucking charming that he ignores my well thought out proposal for the department and offers you a job?"

 

"I  can't help my natural charms, MacLeod. Besides we'll be colleagues. Isn't that exciting?"

*

 

"METHOS!"

 

"Why are you shouting like that?"

 

"All my clothes are scattered on the floor."

 

*looks around* "Sure looks like it."

 

"What happened here?!"

 

"I needed to borrow a tie for a job interview."

 

"One tie? You created all that chaos for one tie?"

 

"I couldn't find the damn things in your idea of a tidy closet. And I was in a hurry. You are the one who told me to go for a job in the first place, so stop complaining."

*

 

"Hey, MacLeod. I've got the job."

 

"Congrats."

 

"That means I'll now basically work under you. We'll see each other every day."

 

"Great. Wait - did you say I'm your boss now?"

 

"Technically yes."

 

"So now I can make your life miserable for a change."

 

"Sure, Highlander, sure."

*

 

"What the hell is this?"

 

"A commercial for instant soup."

 

"In the middle of my book? Integrated into the plot? How did you do that?"

 

*grins*

 

"HOW Methos?"

*

 

"I missed another appointment today."

 

*snickers*

 

"Methos?"

 

*tries to look innocent*

 

"Why am I late all the time recently?"

 

"Reading the clock is a relatively new cultural skill. Maybe you're still getting used to it?"

 

"What did you do?"

 

"Turns out twelve minutes is the kind of lag you can put into all the clocks in a household before the owner notices."

*

 

"Methos, I really, really appreciate your help with this. I'm not as good with computers and I needed this website so thanks."

 

"You're welcome, Duncan."

 

"Now could you please take the embedded, autoplay, endless-loop version of the hamster dance out?"

*

 

"Methos?"

 

"Yep?"

 

"I don't mind too much if you borrow my books but do you have to write in the margins?"

 

"Would you have told Fermat the same?"

 

"Doodles of stick kittens are not the same as mathematical proofs!"

 

"Don't you dare rein in genius, MacLeod."

*

 

"My katana is NOT an over-glorified cheese cutter!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ads in the books WAS a thing in the 70s and 80s in books by a certain German publisher. They only stopped when they got sued by the authors who hadn't been asked and didn't receive any royalties. I'm assuming that Duncan reads German fluently here obviously ;) I don't think Methos actually DID that, only that he appreciates the chuzpe and loves the opportunity to confuse Duncan.


	11. 101 - Toothbrush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A REAL chapter to celebrate the end. Thanks to Ansela for fooling around with me in chat, inspiring this whole thing.

Returning to Paris after a longer absence always required a few days to get re-acclimatized. The barge needed to be aired out. His French took a few days until he felt completely comfortable again. And then there were always the friends he needed to catch up with, like the de Valicourts or Maurice. After a couple of months in Seacouver, Duncan welcomed the change of scenery though. There was nothing like springtime in Paris.

 

He had arrived yesterday evening and hadn’t done much except for dropping into his bed hoping to ride out the jetlag. Now after being woken by Methos dropping in ungodly early - probably just to annoy Duncan as the old man was far from an early riser under normal circumstances - he dropped the used dishes into the sink before jumping under the shower. Methos was sprawled on his couch, finishing off the breakfast with a mug of cocoa.

 

“You could start the washing up, you know. After inviting yourself over and decimating my supplies…”

 

“Could being the operative word.” Methos yawned. “Or I could take a nap while you clean yourself. It’s still practically the middle of the night.”

 

It wasn’t to Duncan. But he had long ago learned not to argue with Methos. He could only lose in the long run. And to be fair, Methos had brought over half of the stuff they had had for breakfast so he didn’t have that many reasons to complain.

 

When MacLeod came back his hair still wet, he looked thoughtful.

 

“What’s the matter Highlander? Were you attacked by deep and meaningful thoughts under the shower?”

 

“I think I’m getting old.”

 

Methos snorted. “Why that sudden moment of self-awareness?”

 

“I can’t place the green toothbrush. I mean the yellow one is mine I just brought it with me. The orange one is Amanda’s, the blue one’s yours and I think the red one is Maurice’s… god I have too many people dropping in staying overnight spontaneously.”

 

Methos studied his almost empty mug. “The green one is Frank’s.”

 

MacLeod looked at him sharply. “Who the hell is Frank?”

 

“Frank - no one important. Just someone I hooked up with a couple of weeks back.”

 

“What?”

 

“Someone I hooked up with. You know like: meet in a bar, casual sex hook-up.”

 

“Why does he have a toothbrush on my barge?”

 

“Well, we stayed for three nights. It would have been a tad unhygienic NOT to have a toothbrush here.”

 

“Let me rephrase that, Methos: why does he have a toothbrush on MY barge?!”

 

“Because we went for a romantic walk along the Seine. And then your place was closer.” He shrugged.

 

“You spent three days on my barge with a guy I’ve never met?”

 

“It wasn’t as if it was planned. But he was very talented with his tongue and very persistent and then I forgot about minor details like going someplace else.”

 

“You spent three days making love in MY bed?”

 

Methos grinned. “I spent three days fucking in your bed,” he corrected.

 

“Methos!”

 

“I washed the sheets afterwards.”

 

MacLeod didn’t know what to say. “I’m going for a jog,” he declared and left the barge.

*

 

MacLeod hadn’t really dressed for running so instead he opted for a brisk walk hoping that the old man would have left once he returned. Really what was Methos thinking? Duncan didn’t mind that the old scoundrel had kept a pair of keys ever since the last de Valicourt wedding. He didn’t even begrudge him the use of the boat if Methos was in Paris while he was in Seacouver. It’s not that he had hidden porn films stashed away that he would be embarrassed about if they were found. After all they had been through together there was literally nothing he could think of that would make him feel ashamed in front of the old man. But taking some one-night-stand into his home. What was he thinking, really?

 

MacLeod wished he had taken his wallet then he could have done a quick grocery run while he was out. 

 

But going back to fetch his wallet wasn’t really an option. Methos was probably still there. And certainly not doing the dishes.

 

Why was his barge so attractive to everyone anyway?

 

He remembered how he’d come to Paris one year only to find Maurice squatting in his home.

 

Later they had become friends and the odd little Frenchman was still one of Duncan’s favourite mortal contacts in the city. All the man had needed was a little bit of support and to be given a chance and now he owned his own little successful restaurant.

 

Come to think of it. Maurice had been a total stranger, breaking into his home. And they had become friends

 

So why was the thought of that Frank bothering him that much?

 

He was pretty sure that Methos had ensured that the man had not gone through any of his possessions unsupervised, that his privacy wasn’t breached.

 

What did he care that Frank (and his tongue)  had provided Methos with three days of fun?

 

It was just fun after all.

 

At last that’s how Methos had sounded. A bit of fun, nothing serious.

 

Duncan stopped dead in his tracks. “Damn. I’m jealous.”

*

 

When he returned to the barge, Methos was still there watching some daytime TV waiting for him. The old man looked up when he barged in a bemused smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

 

“Methos.”

 

The other man crooked his head slightly as Duncan approached him, taking the remote from his hand and shutting the TV off.

 

“We need to talk.”

 

“Really?” Methos still smiled. “I think the talking can wait.” He pulled the Scot into a kiss and started undressing him. 

 

“You know?”

 

“God, MacLeod, you can be so slow sometimes. You are lucky that you are adorable in your cluelessness.” The two Euros for that toothbrush definitely were the best investment he had made this century, he decided as the Highlander dragged him into bed.


End file.
